FaceBook Memories and Faith

Facebook memories can be bittersweet. They’re our snapshots of time when our children were young or when loved ones were still with us. Sometimes, like the ones I saw this week, they remind you of the journey you’ve been on and how far you’ve come through it.

There was something different about our middle daughter from the time she was born. She slept for six hours a night immediately. Although healthy overall, we took her back to the hospital weeks after discharge to recheck her hearing. There were numerous follow-up appointments for blood work due to jaundice. She was our only colicky baby, and she had such an extreme dysfluency when she began speaking that we had her evaluated at two years old. Eventually, she started speech services when she entered kindergarten. By the end of elementary school, it seemed her collection of minor health issues was past us.

March 14, 2013

Back from the doctor. Now we wait to see if Taya has mono. She’s missed three days of school this week to sleep. ☹

Spring of sixth grade, Taya got sick and slept for days. We took her to the doctor who tested her for mono, among other things. Aside from a vitamin D deficiency, everything came back negative, but she continued to struggle through the rest of the school year and into the next. On Halloween in seventh grade, she stayed home with abdominal pain. Shortly afterward, we took a trip to the emergency room to rule out appendicitis. Despite her continued pain, all her tests still came back clear, but she couldn’t function enough to go to school. The next six months were full of teacher visits to keep Taya on track with her education, appointments with various specialists who often acted as if Taya’s pain was in her head, and repeatedly filling out paperwork for the school.

March 13, 2014

Got the email today that Taya’s home bound services will be extended through mid-May. We were hoping to finish the year at home, and we still might have to, but at least this is a start. She’s feeling a bit better most days, but still not able to function in the mornings because of the pain. Prayers are appreciated.

Eighth grade appeared to finally be a breakthrough for her health, until a volleyball game in October. I watched as a ball came off her arms at an odd angle, snapping her head back and momentarily stunning her. Her coach didn’t seem concerned, so we weren’t either. We left immediately after the game because of Taya’s headache, and she missed the next day of school. Afterward, she said she was “fine”. Previous experience with doctors telling her that pain was her “normal” prevented us from identifying her first concussion. Two weeks later, an additional blow to her head in PE class landed us in another specialist’s office and put Taya out of school again.

That second concussion changed Taya’s life. School became a challenge. She couldn’t retain information as well and reading became difficult. She no longer enjoyed school and it only got worse when she entered high school. Her months at home had significantly disrupted her sleep to the point that she rarely slept before midnight. Her migraines and abdominal pain intensified until they were a daily occurrence, and once again we faced day after day out of school and more appointments with specialists. Numerous ER visits, a CT scan, MRI, and psychological evaluation later, the only answers we currently have about her health are what isn’t causing her pain.

Finding Peace Without Finding Answers

At this point, we may never have the answers we want. Taya may never have what most consider a “normal life”. It’s hard to put that in writing, just like it was hard to read those old FaceBook posts and realize how long we’ve been without answers. Some days, it’s hard not to worry about what that means for her future.

But, then I remember God’s blessings through this. The teacher from middle school who came to teach Taya and opened the door for conversations about our faith. The counselor from high school who has become part of our family because of her sincere love for Taya and her well-being. Our transition to homeschooling, somewhat against our will, which has allowed us to tailor her learning to what fits her best.  The strength we’ve seen develop in our daughter because she wants to be successful in life, even if it means not fitting a mold.

God’s grace has seen us through the last few years of the unknown with our daughter and allowed us to see glimpses of His plan for her. At this point, we don’t expect answers, but we do have faith that God will use this experience somehow.