Commit to a Love Journey

Everyone wants a great love story. Our movies and books are filled with them. The couple meets and falls in love. There’s an assumption that they live happily ever after as the credits roll. End of story.

But real love is far from a chick flick or even a romantic fairy tale.

How many failed marriages have we seen around us? How many of our own relationships suffer and fail because of unrealistic ideas of what love should look like?

Jay and I both come from broken homes. We didn’t grow up watching healthy relationships. I guess it’s a good thing we were both stubborn, determined young people. Despite all the strikes against us, we both wanted something different. Something better than what we’d seen all our lives, especially for our daughters.

My maternal grandparents became the example for both of us but there was a lot to learn for two kids who’d rarely seen marriage work. It didn’t come natural and sometimes it was really hard.

The longer we are together though, the more often we’re asked what it takes to make marriage work. The answer is in the question.

What Does It Take to Make Marriage Work?

It takes work.

It takes dedication to staying married.

It takes commitment to each other.

It takes a shift in mindset from looking at marriage as a love story to looking at it as a love journey.

Dictionary.com defines a journey as “progress from one stage to another” while a story is defined as “a narrative…designed to interest, amuse or instruct the hearer or reader”.

While marriage can be shared in stories that interest or instruct, for the couple involved it should be looked at as more of a journey.

The Beginning of Our Love Journey

I remember our first few years of marriage. We were young, with a young child. We moved into our first home. It was an exciting time but also stressful as we learned to navigate this new stage in our relationship.

Since then, there have been many stages and we’ve had to learn how to maneuver each one while still making time to know each other as we both change and grow. Some of our stages have been harder to navigate. Three young children. Ministry and ordination. Incarceration. Despite the differences, there are things we used in each stage to help us on our journey.

Steps to Strengthening Your Marriage

Prayer. While we may not have had strong prayer lives early in our relationship, there were strong prayer warriors praying for us. No matter what we face now, we cover each situation in prayer and listen for God’s direction before we act. This is one of the reasons it is so important to marry someone who shares your faith.

Communication. The hardest times we’ve faced have been when we failed to make communication a priority. This is more than just being able to share out thoughts and feelings. Real communication requires listening without judgement and trying to understand what the other person is saying, even if you don’t agree.

Compromise. In all aspects of life, there will be times things won’t go your way. Be willing to work with your spouse to find a middle ground whenever necessary. Compromising with one another helps strengthen your relationship while also growing you as individuals.

Teamwork. Marriage unites two people into one unit (Genesis 2:24). Remember to work together when you face challenges, rather than working against one another. A couple working together and united will have an easier time facing the challenges along their journey.

Quality Time Together. It can be easy to overlook the importance of spending time alone when you are in the midst of raising little ones or even a difficult season, but to keep your marriage strong, you need to have that time together without distractions. Even something as simple as a walk alone together

Healthy Friendships. Surround yourself with couples in various stages of their love journey so you can mentor and be mentored. It is always helpful to seek advice from older couples, but there is also a benefit to sharing your own journey with couples in younger relationships.

Tell Us About Your Love Journey

Our love journey started a long time ago at a playground in Pennsylvania. It’s taken us through the birth of three daughters, the loss of loved ones, ministry highs and lows, and so much more. Our journey will face a lot more before it ends, but no matter what, we are determined to walk together through it all.

What has your love journey been like? Are there additional tips you would give to other couples on how to strengthen their marriage or plan for a strong one?