A Testimony on Incarceration: It Was Then That I Carried You

A Testimony on Incarceration: Jay’s Testimony

There are many aspects to a testimony. I’d like to share some of mine with you. As you get to know me, you will undoubtedly hear more, but for now, I will focus on the latter part of my life and my testimony on incarceration.

First, let me introduce myself.

Hi. My name is Jarrod Gray and I’m a felon.

Oh, you’re still reading? I know I just lost a few people there, but I’m okay with that. I’m not meant to minister to everyone. Just the ones willing to listen.

Since you’re still with me, I’ll give you some background. While serving as a bi-vocation youth minister (some would say part-time, but those that work in ministry know there is no such thing as a part-time ministry, just part-time pay) for a local ministry and working a full-time job, I decided to stop running from God’s calling on my life. With that decision, two things happened. First, I was ordained. I completed all the requirements set by man for ordination, which include training, an observation period, and appearing before a panel for questioning. The second, I went back to school to finish my higher education. I could not really afford to go to school, but I was able to get a scholarship. The only problem with the scholarship was that I had to be a full-time student.

I tried to do it all. Full-time student, full-time job, full-time husband and father, and let’s not forget youth ministry.

Let’s just say it did not work out too well.

Then, I thought God was answering my prayers once again. There was a rumor that the church I was serving at was going to open up the budget and hire another full-time person. Now in the past when the church talked about doing this, it was hinted that the position they would hire for would be a full-time youth and children’s pastor. To me, it only made sense that they would bring me on full-time and expand my responsibilities to include children’s ministry. With that assumption, I started to prepare as if that offer was coming soon. I was working at a pretty demanding job. It was good money but not where I wanted to be, because it took away from being able to do ministry.

I was struggling at work, in my ministry, and in my studies.

But with this offer coming, I could take a step back at work and be okay because I would be at church full-time soon anyway. Although that job would mean a pay cut, it would still be enough for me and my family. School would not be as much of a burden and life would be great.

So, I stepped down.

Needless to say, the offer from the church never came. The crazy thing is that they never really talked to me about the job. Even when I inquired about it, the only answer I ever got was that they were looking for something different. They ended up hiring an associate pastor that already had his master’s degree.

I was devastated. Angry. I wanted so bad to walk away from that church and never look back, but I did not feel like God was leading me away. Although I was angry at God, I was still trying to be obedient.

This was the beginning of the downward spiral.

I couldn’t identify it at the time but there was contempt for God harbored deep within me. I didn’t really trust God with every part of my life. If God was looking out for me, I would be working full-time at the church. So, when my financial troubles came, I didn’t turn to God. I took matters into my own hands.

I got involved with some people buying, selling, and trading to make extra money. That led to my weird fraud conviction. I’d like to say I didn’t know but I did. We were cloning gift cards.

Why do I tell you all this?

While I’m not wearing a badge of honor, I also do not have a cloud of shame hovering over me. I’m not proud of what did but I’m not hiding from it either.

This time of my life was the darkest and the hardest, but it was what I needed to change my thinking. God used this time to change me, to grow me, to expose the issues that ran deep within my core. My actions were not caused by a financial problem. That may have been a motivating factor, but it was my way of thinking that caused my actions. A lot of people have financial issues. It is how you face them that makes the difference.

My time in prison really illuminated that in my life. Most importantly, God used this time to show me His power and provision.

Let me be clear.

God did not send me to prison. My actions did. God utilized that time to show me that He has and always will be there for me. That He has a plan for my life and that I can trust Him.

There were times when I was afraid I was going to lose my home. I was not okay with that, so I made some really bad decisions to prevent it from happening. I would learn later that God was not going to allow me to lose my home. He was just asking me to trust Him with everything I have. To be willing to let go of anything that would hinder our relationship. To praise Him even if a lost my home, not just if I kept it. Not that I’m anything like Job, but what He was looking for was for me to be willing to praise God through all the affliction.

I was not willing to do that until I was in prison. There are some activities I could have done in prison to make money to send home but that was the same mindset that landed me in prison in the first place. So, I went to the one that I should have gone to in the first place, God. I fasted and prayed. I trusted and believed, and I was willing to praise Him no matter what happened.

What happened at home was amazing.

God did more than I would have ever imagined. I will leave that side of the story to my wife as I believe that is a story you need to hear from her. I will tell you that I will never be the same because of this experience.

Miracles require faith, not just having faith in what you want to happen, but faith no matter what happens. When that faith gives way to your miracle, don’t miss it. Because if you are truly paying attention, it is life-changing. Are there still struggles in my life? Without a doubt. But now I face those struggles with a whole new mindset.

This is who I am. A man that is saved by grace and freed from the mistakes I’ve made. Loved by a God that did not turn His back on me, even when I turned my back on Him.

Why am I sharing this?

I share this to let you know that there is NO circumstance that God will not love you through. There is NO mistake that could cause Him to walk away from you. I could go on and on, but I think you get my point.

I also share this because I want to do life together. To share with each other, learn from each other, grow together. So, join us and we can journey together…In The Gray Area.

We all have a testimony. PLEASE SHARE YOURS. You may be the voice God uses to change someone’s life!

If we can pray with you, email us at prayer@inthegrayarea.com.